Perspective

Give distance and avoidance --> Get distance and avoidance

When we are distant and avoid our spouse, we can very easily expect the same thing from them and vise versa.

It's an unfortunate cycle but it seems as though it's impossible to break. This is when we move from the natural and into the divine. This is when there needs to be a change.

And more specifically:

A CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE!

Many would argue that there needs to be a change in behavior first. While that may work in some cases, how can there be a true change of behavior without first changing our personal perspective on the circumstances or the person?

By being willing to change our perspectives, we are allowing ourselves to see the situation as the other would see it.

For example:

Two men see an orange. They both want it and argue over who gets it until they finally decide to split it. The first man peels this orange and throws the peel away. The second man does the same except he throws the orange away.

The problem in this situation was the lack of communication between the two men. They both knew what they wanted but they weren't willing to tell the other.

When it comes to marriage, understanding your spouse's perspective is absolutely crucial. I feel as though that is one of the most selfless things we can do. We each have our initial beliefs on what we want, but we need to understand that they have their own belief as well.

Avec Amour,

Elisse

Marry Me

"Marry Me" - By Jason Derulo 

A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head
When I think of all the years I wanna be with you
Wake up every morning with you in my bed
That's precisely what I plan to do

And you know one of these days when I get my money right
Buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life
We'll forever be in love, so there ain't no need to rush
But one day I won't be able to ask you loud enough

[Chorus]
I'll say, "Will you marry me?"
I swear that I will mean it
I'll say, "Will you marry me?"

How many girls in the world can make me feel like this?
Baby I don't ever plan to find out
The more I look, the more I find the reasons why
You're the love of my life

You know one of these days when I get my money right
Buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life
We'll forever be in love, so there ain't no need to rush
But one day I won't be able to ask you loud enough

[Bridge]
And if I lost everything
In my heart it means nothing
'Cause I have you,
Girl, I have you
To get right down on bended knee
Nothing else would ever be better, better
That day when...

I'll say, "Will you marry me?"
I swear that I will mean it
I'll say, "Will you marry me?"

A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head
When I think of all the years I wanna be with you
Wake up every morning with you in my bed
That's precisely what I plan to do.

__________________________________________________________________

When I first heard this song, I thought it was one of the cutest songs! And then I really listened to the lyrics and realized that it wasn't as cute as I thought it would be. 

The song starts out by saying, "A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head when I think of all the years I wanna be with you." Growing up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon), I have been taught that families are eternal. A hundred and five years is far less than the amount of time I would want to spend with my family. One thing that has always made me upset were the words, "Until death do you part" or, "As long as you both shall live." Being at my wedding, one the happiest days of my life, the last thing I would want to hear is that we can be happy and together...but only until death. 

The next line that I didn't quite agree with was, "And you know one of these days when I get my money right..." Now I'm not saying that money isn't important, because it is...but that shouldn't be the deciding factor of when you choose to get married. Is it easier knowing that you'll be more comfortable financially? Of course! But marriage isn't supposed to be easy. My Family Relations professor, Brother Michael Williams, once taught us that there is an amazing strength that comes when you start out not quite as well off because it allows you and your spouse to learn how to live without the best of the best. It puts the two of you in a vulnerable situation to either succeed or fail. Imagine starting out low, becoming more financially comfortable as your family grows, and continuing in that success as you go? Imagine the same situation but one day you find yourselves in another financial rut? This allows the the two of you to know how you lived without so much before and how you handled it. Children also benefit greatly when there are not as many finances being brought in - it forces the child to learn that there are some things that they can't have and there some instances when the child learns to be okay with this. 

Marriage is about bringing two people who love each other together and giving them the opportunity to start and create their family. Why not start it because you know it to be right and because you love each other? Not because you're struggling financially, you're worried what others will think, or even because you're scared. 

Making that amazing decision to get married and commit yourself to another is an act that should be pushing away the natural instincts and moving into the divine. 

Avec Amour, 

Elisse Cook

Why Bring a Child into this World?

Being a parent is potentially the greatest thing we will ever do in this life. We have been blessed with the very sacred and special opportunity to bring children into the world and raise them in righteousness. What greater gift could we ever ask or seek for?

One of the greatest purposes of parenting that I have studied this week is the capacity to love. Through this we, as parents, can learn:

1. To understand God

2. To serve

3. To become selfless

4. To be forced to encounter challenges

5. To prepare for eternal life

6. And to learn to love

It really is amazing the impact that parenting can have on the parent's, themselves.

Brother Michael Williams said, "We are reparented as we parent." How true a statement that is!

When we first think of becoming a parent whether it's for the first, third, or sixth time...it can be scary. We're scared because we're not quite sure if we're ready because we're still learning. However scary it may seem, I see it as being one of the most gratifying and selfless thing we could do. Giving of our time and ourselves to another human being. Giving absolutely everything we have to them. It's the ultimate sacrifice - but one that is so perfect despite the difficulties that will come.

Now I still don't know what that feeling is...but I have seen it. I have been a recipient of it. I chose to come to this earth knowing full well how difficult it would be. I knew there were going to be struggles. I knew that there was going to be heartbreak. I knew there were going to be times when I wondered how much more I could take before I broke. However, I knew the happiness that would come. I knew that I would overcome. I knew that it would be the greatest experience I could ever ask for.

And that's what I imagine parenting to be. We know we're going to be bringing children into this world in some way. We know there are going to be difficulties, struggles, heartbreak, and questioning. But we also know that there is going to be happiness, learned strength, and the greatest experience we could ever ask for.

Why bring a child into this world? 

Created by Unilever Project Sunlight

Avec Amour,

Elisse

Fatherhood

"Earthly Father, Heavenly Father" 

Mormon Message made by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

(Script from the video) "I'm awake. I remember Him. I gaze upon them before I part. They lie in their bed, unaware of me watching. I leave, they sleep. The small home I help provide is their world. They play, they explore, learning to move, to feel, to see, to know, not once thinking how it all came to be. Crayons, toys, books; it's all for them. The fridge opens, the pantry exposed, they expect food to be there. Not a thought, not a doubt, just hunger. Cereal, milk, yogurt, messy fingers, messy faces, all fed. Tummies are full. Now it's nap time. My wife likes nap time. Once again, they lay in the comfort we provide. All while I work, I'm far, but close; always thinking of them. My phone rings, I only hear breathing. I smile; my wife's phone is now missing. I do it all for them. I work, that they may grow. They trust so deeply; how I yearn to do the same. They see so little of how it all came to be, never questioning, only trusting. I come home; two-second hugs. Now I'm a horse. We eat dinner, brush teeth. Jammy time. Finally, it's bed time. Once again, they lay their heads on the pillows we provide. I will be their protector. I will be their gentle friend. I will be my wife's faithful husband. I am a father, I am also a son. And while I may not understand all that He does for me, I do know that all that I am, and all that I have is because He's a father to me. I now stand, very aware, of how it all came to be."

Fatherhood is a fairly controversial topic in today's society. There has been some talk that father's may not even be necessary. Could you imagine it? A world with no fathers? 

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), we learn that we are to strive to become perfect. What better way for a man to become perfect than to be like our Father in Heaven?

Heavenly Father has done so much for each of us - He has provided everything. Literally everything. 

Our Heavenly Father:
1. Watches over us
2. Blesses us
3. Gives us comfort
4. Listens when we need Him to - and even when we don't ask Him
5. Always answers our prayers
6. Knows and wants the best for us and will do anything to give the best to us
7. Never forgets us - even if we sometimes forget Him
8. Brings peace, hope, love, charity
9. Sacrifices everything 
10. Wants us to return to Him
11. Is always, always, always there
12. Never turns away from us
13. Guides our lives but lets us live the way we want
14. Allows us to always make a choice
15. Offers us advice
16. Unconditionally loves us no matter the decisions we make
17. Reveals His will 
18. Has a unique and distinct plan for each of us
19. Knows us by name
20. Knows what's in our thoughts and heart
21. Has the power to heal - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
22. Provides

I could go on and on and on. But think about that list for a moment - really think about it. Listed above is a perfect man. A perfect father. It's obvious how much we need Him in our lives, whether or not we want to recognize it. We are nothing without our Heavenly Father, just as we are nothing without an earthly father.

So that's why it breaks my heart to know that there are those who believe a father to be unnecessary. Pointless. Unimportant. 

Honestly, despite our individual experiences - despite what we think we know to be true concerning fatherhood - we need fathers. 

Avec Amour, 

Elisse   

Divine

Commitment: "A promise of dedication to a relationship in which there is an emotional attachment to another person who has made the same promise." - Robert and Jeanette Lauer

Commitment consists of three things: a promise, complete dedication, and total attachment. When there is a healthy attachment to each other, you want nothing more than to dedicate yourself to them and keep the promises that you, together, have made.

The quote regards a couple who has made the same promise to the other. It's being committed and dedicated to that same promise. When that promise is broken, for what ever reason, that specific commitment is broken.

Forgive the reference, but in the Disney Junior show Sophia the First, Sophia says, "My mom always said a broken promise can never be fixed."

I used to think that, that's how promises worked - you broke it, it was broken. But then I studied Family Relations and learned how completely and undoubtly false that statement is. Sure the natural would tell you that it's gone. But that's why marriage is a divine institution - because we push aside the natural.

"To know that you have someone that loves you, and on whom you can depend no matter what problems may arise, is really important." - Anonymous

Ultimately, we are here on this earth to have experiences that challenge us to return to live with our Father in Heaven. The last covenant most of us will make in this life is an eternal marriage. What's more perfect and divine than that?

Avec Amour,

Elisse

ABC...X

In 1949 a man with the name of Reuben Hill created a model in order to study the stressors that families experience in times of war. He name this model "ABCX."

Actual event
Both resources and responses
Cognition
 eXperience

We each are going to experience challenges and difficulties in our lives. What may be a crisis for you may not be one for another and vise versa. The question that comes up is: How am I (or how are we) going to get through this? Another question may be: "Shall I falter, or shall I finish?" - President Thomas S. Monson; Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

President Monson also said, "When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question 'Why me?' At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end night's darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, 'Is there no balm in Gilead?' We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."

Full talk (I highly recommend watching it)

To go back to the ABCX model - it allows us the opportunity to look at the (A) event , decide how the our (C) cognition (the way we think about it) is going to affect the way we (B) respond, and, overall, help us choose what we're going to take away from it (X).

Effectively coping in crisis is something that I have been trying to work on for a while now. I used to believe in what President Monson refers to as the "distorted prism of pessimism" - I think we all have. However, I have come to learn and realize how much that negatively impacts our lives when we go through it believing that.

If there is anything that I have learned in life - if at Judgment Day I'm standing before God and He asks me what I've learned, I would tell Him "You will never have a bad experience without something magical somewhere inside it."

When I learned this truth, it completely changed the way I look at the trials I am presented with. Each crisis that is put into our lives allows us an opportunity to make a choice - and so I ask you to make a choice:

1. How are you going to respond to crisis?

2. Are you going to falter, or are you going to finish?

Avec Amour,

Elisse

The Ideal

"What qualifies as the perfect guy/girl for you?"

How many times have we been asked this question? How many endless lists have we made to create that person?

Think of the game MASH - not only were we creating an ideal person through that game, but we were also creating our ideal life. And how often were we disappointed with the results we got? Sure we got our number one pick here and there but that doesn't necessarily mean we got every one. I remember trying to get the perfect amount of tally marks so I would at least get the most important thing - the perfect guy.

Now it seems like there's nothing wrong with that. It's just an innocent game, right? It gives us the chance to write out our perfect life; is that really so bad?

Honestly, yes. It is. Because it's not just the game, it's how we look at our lives. We grew up dreaming out exactly the kind of life we wanted. And, more importantly, we grew up dreaming about the perfect person for us.

Don't get me wrong, it's important to know what we want to look for in a person. There are some characteristics or qualities that may be essential. But I feel as though the title we give it that context needs to be changed.

OUR IDEAL PERSON SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO STEALS OUR HEARTS - NOT THE PERSON WE'VE CREATED IN OUR MINDS!

Let's be honest, how many people have we turned away because he or she didn't fit our list? How many people have we walked by because, at first glance, we thought they couldn't possibly live up to all the expectations and requirements we have set?

At a young age, I created my list. I grew up convinced that I was going to find the person who checked everything off that list. It was a selfish notion. But when I finally found someone, that checklist...it didn't matter anymore. Because, suddenly, he became my ideal.

I believe the ideal is the one we can't help but fall in love with. The ideal is the one who helps us forget all the petty little expectations. The ideal is the one who becomes more than enough. The ideal is the end result.

So instead of playing the Let's See Who Can Check Everything Off The List game, how about we allow those who could become our ideal into our lives?

Avec Amour,

Elisse

Consecration

Consecration is the act of giving all one has to the cause of something greater - something divine. Could we seek for anything greater within marriage?

President Ezra Taft Benson, the 13th Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, stated, "In order to learn the law of consecration, you must first learn to live the law of the Lord."

Now we ask ourselves, how is this done? How can this teaching help turn our marriage from the natural to the divine? There are six steps that we can work on to reach that perfect, yet challenging stage of consecration:

1. Obedience
2. Sacrifice
3. Compromise: It's not easy - it's challenging to sacrifice what we have in order to create something new; something beautiful. Marriage requires an infinite amount of work - how much are we willing to put in?
4. Repentance/Forgiveness
5. Chastity
6. Consecration: You need to give EVERYTHING you have to become one with another person - it's a cheap move not to - put EVERYTHING you have on the altar.

Once we've reached consecration, how can we keep that act of complete and total service in our lives?

1. Invest what you want into the marriage:
         - Be invested, not vested
         - IMMERSE yourself in it
         - THROW yourself into it

2. "Great unselfishness comes in marriage"
         - We need to learn to think of someone else when making decisions...marriage isn't a one-way street.
         - We need to learn to care about something our significant other loves just as much as they do.
         - It's not natural, it's divine

3. "Complete living of the commandment"
         - The commandments act as a formula to help guide our lives.
         -   When we are living the commandments and our spouse is living the commandments, there's no where to move but closer to God.
         - Despite what many may say about the "restrictions" that the commandments puts on our lives, they actually bless marriage in more ways then one. Why not follow some principles that can help build your marriage towards eternity?

4. "Pinnacle of perfection in those areas that matter most"
          - Just like with compromising, we needs to reformulate what matters the most.

5. "Continued courtship"
         - I haven't seen all of the movie "Date Night, " but the one part I did see just amazed me. It was a Friday night and their babysitter showed up and said, "Aren't you guys going on your date?" What an inspiring example. How great it is for children to see their parents going on dates!

         - It allows two people who love each other to talk without any outside distractions. It's okay to want/have time away from your children.
         - It gives you the opportunity to remember why you fell in love - it's a rekindling experience.
         - You can more fully express love and attention for your spouse.

How beautiful a marriage must be when this much effort is put into it! We should look forward to the opportunity to give all that we have in exchange for anothers love and eternity.

Avec Amour,

Elisse

Cinderella

FORGET THE GLASS SLIPPER!

FORGET THE FIREWORKS! 

FORGET THE BELLS AND WHISTLES! 

Because, you know what? That's not love. That's not what defines love. 

I would like to share with you an experience, with the permission of the respective persons, I had last year that really taught me what love is:

It was Halloween and my good friend and roommate  and I had just finished getting ready for our Church's Halloween Party. She asked her fiance to take pictures of us. I can't remember the exact details, but whatever it was, resulted in them getting in a rather heated argument. The last thing I remember before going back into our apartment was her throwing her ring back at him. I was completely shocked as I sat on the couch thinking, "how could this happen? They're supposed to be the perfect couple. What's going to happen now?" I was so focused I barely noticed her run up to her room. Before I could think of what I could do to comfort her, he burst through the door, threw his backpack on the floor, and ran up to her and he did not come down until he was walking down the stairs, hand-in-hand with her, with that ring back on her finger. That right there...that's love. 

It's not about the glass slippers. It's not about the fireworks. It's not about the bells and whistles. 

It's about the work that it takes to get there. Love isn't easy

Now I don't want you to think that I don't believe in those things - the glass slippers, the fireworks, the whistles - because I do. I really, really do. Of course I get twitter-pated. Of course I get chills. Of course  I feel those sparks. But that's not what makes love happen. It's the opportunity to make it happen that creates it. 

There's an amazing song that beautifully explains what love should mean: 

Honestly...what more could you want? Because I know that I couldn't ask for anything greater.

"I want a love that takes my breath away
A love that’s full of surprises

I want a love that makes me realize what’s important in life

A love that’s real; that’s raw

I want a love where if my children were to walk in and see their parent’s dancing in the kitchen they roll their eyes but in their heads they know how lucky they are

A love that my children strive for

I want a love that makes me feel

A love that has made me learn to feel

I want a love where I know who I am

A love where I know who he is

I want a love that has taken time to built

A love that has and always will require work

I want a love that’s not afraid to talk

A love that talks despite the fear

I want a love that’s not afraid

A love that tries all

I want a love that has hardships and trials along the way

A love that builds our faith together

I want a love that’s full of love

A love that lasts into the eternities"

Written July 7, 2013

By Elisse Cook

You might think me to be a hopeless romantic - completely unrealistic. But I know I'm not. Despite what the world may tell me, I know I can have this kind of love. And I know that we all have the opportunity to as well. 

I want you to know that despite how scary love may seem, it can be the most amazing thing when it's worked for - when giving up isn't an option. 

So...my question...why are we so scared of love? Why do we think we don't deserve love when, in reality, we do? Why do we seem to reject one of the greatest powers and feelings out there? 

Avec Amour, 

Elisse 

Why Is That?

Girl exhibits masculine qualities...what do we call her?

Tomboy.

Boy exhibits feminine qualities...what do we call him?

Gay.

Why is that? Why is it that we associate the two together? Just because a guy has more feminine qualities he's an identified gay?

I would like to do a little exercise with you. I want you to close your eyes and think of a man in your life who is creative. He's able to create the most beautiful artwork. He sees life in a way that's so different from everyone else - it's beautiful. He's more expressive with his feelings and He's not afraid to show it. Now, open your eyes with that person in mind. And this could be any man in your life. But there is one who knows everyone who exhibits each of these qualities and more.

And that man is our Heavenly Father. Were we not made in his image? Do we not share qualities and characteristics with Him?

With that in mind, is it really okay to identify someone as something they're not? When did we decide that we had that right?

 How often do we tell someone who they are?

How often does that person listen to us?

How often to we listen to that person who tries to define us?

As opposed to my weekly question, how about a challenge? For a day, I would like to challenge you to  not identify who someone is. Instead, ask them who they are. Allow them that opportunity.

Avec Amour,

Elisse

It's Kind of a Funny Thing

"This is why we teach there is an eternal family."- Brother Michael D. Williams, Marriage and Family Therapist

When family is concerned, we have the privilege to move away from the natural and into the divine. However, there are decisions and choices that have to made in order to reach the divine.

"What am I going to do to ensure that my family reaches the divine?" Not just my future family, but my current family as well.

I think we sometimes forget the effect we have on our family - it doesn't matter if you're five or seventeen, you can alter your family dynamics.

Meet Tavi Nicole Cook. My cousin. My hero. The only person I've met who's literally perfect - when I thought there was no way I could ever know what it was like to be perfect. Not very many people have the opportunity to say that they know someone who is perfect. And I got to say that. Not only knew someone, but was related to someone who reminded me so much of what I believe Jesus Christ to be. 

In her short life of six and a half years, she accomplished things that were beyond here physical capabilities. She proved herself to be more than others made her out to be. And she truly changed the dynamics of not only our family, but of everyone that even heard about her. She had, and still has, that ability. 

Even though it's been a year and a half since she passed away, she still has that effect on people's lives. It's amazing, really. Because of her, I have changed the way I want to raise my family. Even though she  was unable to walk, breathe on her own, eat, speak, or move, really, moved our family from the natural to the divine. 

And that's what I want to say I achieved in my life - that I had that kind of effect on my family; both current and future. 

And I would like to ask you to ponder the same question - what are you going to do to help your family move to the divine?

Avec Amour, 

Elisse


"3 Joseph Smith, the ^aProphet and ^bSeer of the Lord, has done more, ^csave Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it. In the short space of twenty years, he has brought forth the Book of Mormon, which he translated by the gift and power of God, and has been the means of publishing it on two continents; has sent the ^dfulness of the everlasting gospel, which it contained, to the four quarters of the earth; has brought forth the revelations and commandments which compose this book of Doctrine and Covenants, and many other wise documents and instructions for the benefit of the children of men; gathered many thousands of the Latter-day Saints, founded a great city, and left a fame and name that cannot be slain. He lived great, and he died great in the eyes of God and his people; and like most of the Lord’s anointed in ancient times, has sealed his mission and his works with his own ^eblood; and so has his brother Hyrum. In life they were not divided, and in death they were not ^fseparated!" - Doctrine and Covenants 135:3

Exchange Theory

This week in class, we studied four different family theories. The one that I found myself most interested in is the Exchange Theory - worth/outcome = rewards - cost. In short, relationships are a give and give back short of thing. This theory seemed to generate quite a bit of discussion in the sense of how much are we expecting in return. 

My teacher, Brother Williams told a sweet story about him and his wife - he makes breakfast for his wife every morning and each day she says, "Thank you so much." And you can tell she says it so sincerely. And he said he doesn't expect anything in return because he can tell how appreciative she is of this service. One part that really got to me was, "I've never once felt the need to not make her breakfast. I just do it."

When he told us this story, I'm not going to lie, I got chills. I couldn't help but feel the love that they have for each other - true, sincere, and genuine love. 

And that's how the Exchange Theory should be - we give because we love that person and we accept because that person's love is all we need. 

And so I ask you this:

Why do we find it so difficult sometimes to accept another's effort and love? Especially when we have no problem offering it?

"I think being able to fall in love is a wonderful and strategic gift from our Heavenly Father. We are so much more likely to make the needed changes in our life to become celestial if we have someone in our lives we can't bear to be without through the eternities. Having them is almost like a gentle prod, and reminds us that eternity is dependent upon our choices here. They make the journey worth the struggle. I look forward to making that journey with my eternal companion one day so that we will truly have the chance to be together forever." - Sharene Larsen

Avec Amour, 

Elisse